What’s the One Percent News?

The One Percent News is the first news source exclusively of, by and for the America’s top One Percent. We like to say we’re the best news money can buy.

What makes the One Percent News different? Most media outlets pretend to care about average Americans. Well, we don’t pretend to care—we simply don’t care. The hopes, dreams, trials and tribulations of hard-working middle-class families are of no interest to us whatsoever. If it doesn’t concern the wealthy and well-connected, you won’t find it on the One Percent News. You have our word on that.

Whether it’s a Congressional debate over an obscure tax provision that would benefit only billionaires, or a regulatory threat to our pay-to-play electoral system, the One Percent News is focused on the stories that matter to the people who matter—the extremely wealthy.

A viewer once wrote: “I can’t believe you devoted an entire news cycle to a typhoon that only threatened our family’s isolated private island chain in the South Pacific. Thanks, One Percent News!” Well, your welcome, but our philosophy is that no story is too small to cover if the people affected have a sufficiently high net worth.

Why does America need the One Percent News?

Immense wealth and power aren’t what they’re cracked up to be. They’re actually much better. We need the One Percent News to capture the true magic of unimaginable privilege, in a way 99 Percent news sources just can’t.

99 Percent media focus obsessively on the interests of middle-class Americans—or if you’re lucky, upper-middle-class Americans. Well, that leaves out a lot of folks—the million or so wealthiest families in our nation who are entirely unaffected by a hike in gas prices or cuts in the local school budget. Where can the exclusive elite turn for exclusively elitist news? We like to think it’s the One Percent News.

Even though members of the 99 Percent—despite all their marching, and voting, and majority-being—can never be a threat to the continued control of the 1 Percent, they can be a source of irritation and/or amusement. That’s why we keep a careful finger on the pulse of Democracy Extremism, as represented by public interest legislating, underfunded elections and non-wealthy people talking to each other.

What distinguishes you from other conservative news sources?

That’s a common misconception: our viewers aren’t conservative, they’re greedy! And they don’t hate anyone or anything—whether immigrants or marriage equality—EXCEPT the idea of giving up any small fraction of their vast fortunes. All that social policy coverage gets in the way of what’s really important: keeping the One Percent’s iron grip on our economy and society. That may be an old-fashioned idea, but it’s what guides our work every day.